It feels like for the past three years, and especially the past two after my extended run-in with the psychic vampire, I have very much been a Witch in name only. Admitting this feels a bit like going to the stereotypical AA meeting: "Hi, I'm Jessica, and I am a WINO." But admitting it to myself is what I have been doing this past week.
I'd still been going through all the motions, of course; I always know what the moon phases are, and I mark the Wheel of the Year on the Solstices, Equinoxes, and the four Cross-Quarters (the 'real' astronomical ones, not the Roman-Calendar-ified ones--sorry, Wiccans), like a good little Witch.
But, it's all been very academic and intellectual; the very definition of, as I said, going through the motions. Yes, I know when all the holidays are. Congratulations, Jessie, you've grown up to be a fine calendar.
I'm making light, but I'm also serious: Knowing when they are is a job for the paper chart on the wall. Remembering what they are at their roots, and experiencing the spirituality of it, that is the job of the Witch.
I think I'm admitting this to myself now because it's starting to change--because my spiritual nature is reawakening, starting to heal from the damage that has been done to it. If I had to point to an event that started the change, I think it would be the trip to the Mukilteo beach, being with the Water and putting my feet in it, sitting under the Moon, and sharing time with a good friend who is also a spiritual person (and, I'm beginning to suspect, a fellow Witch, though she hasn't said so).
Like I was saying to Joanne's sister last night, I think the most important thing I can do from here to help this change is to spend less time in the "virtual world," and get out into the real world more. There's no spirituality to be had on the internet. The closest thing you will find are writings that may remind your intellect that there is a spiritual world to be experienced, but in the end I do believe you have to step away from the keyboard if you are to experience it.
I need to go to the Water more. To stand under the Full Moon and feel the cool moonlight. To feel the energies of the tall evergreens, whose reach to the sky dwarfs my own. Maybe one of these days, even go visit a Mountain.
Most of all, I need my soul to remember that, like the wind in the trees, like the water, like the mountains, I, too, am a Force of Nature.
Then, I will be back to truly being a Witch.